the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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