Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
