Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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