i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
