I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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