i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
