and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
