I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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