I CAN MOONWALK!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
