are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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