do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
