Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize