I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
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I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever