She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.