I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.