if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
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Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad