can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.