It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.