Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
