found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
