We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
