fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How naked do you want me to be?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
