He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
