Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
