you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
