May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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