He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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