dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
