she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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