Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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