he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this boner is exhausting
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
