Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
