awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
