There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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