I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
