At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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