Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
