Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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