do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
pray to the hookup gods
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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