Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
