idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how can u be prego again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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