I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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