Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
