Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
