I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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