I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
accomplished twins. life is a go
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
