My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
