I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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