glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
