I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
