if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
