I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
