Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
