I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am available for nakedness
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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