But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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