is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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