when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
