No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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