cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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