Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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