how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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