my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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