We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
