You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Who died my cat blue again?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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