she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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