Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
