those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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