omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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