things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
