okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
