singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
