my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
