So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
