please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
