That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
