btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
