Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
