Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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