not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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