Hey man sorry I got all grabby
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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