Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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