I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
