Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
