I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
