drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
