I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
