so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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