its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
