so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
